缪斯20

鸽子

我母亲快死了.  她太年轻了，不能死.

Yes, I keep saying these words silently.  是的，它们是我的口头禅.

Three days ago she told me, “The last tests came back.”  Her eyes almost met my eyes.  她的嘴唇几乎露出了微笑.

你相信我吗??  我不喜欢真相.  But yes, this time I am not lying.

Shall I go to live with her as she is dying?  Shall I cook for her each day as I have cooked for so many others all these years 独自一人?  She was the one who taught me pots and sauces, garlic, smooth red wine.

But never did she ever believe what I told her about the man.  破裂的秋千, 断了的绳子, his hands that pretended to help … I was 6 and he was our neighbor who shared his tomatoes, 他的葡萄, the tiny eggs from his pale birds.  She called him “My friend Paolo” and liked the way he smiled.

And she made me keep talking to him, politely.  She made me go to his house with my rainbow basket to collect his gifts.

 I don’t want to say anymore except very fast, very blurred: smiling-different-way-his-fingers-fondling-round-ripe-red-sweet-purple-fragile-shells-holding-back-until-I-had-to-come-to-him-his-sweaty-vest-his-mouth-polite-polite-obeying-Mother-not-just-once-but-many-times-until-we-moved-away …

Since 16 I have cooked and served.  现在我51岁，妈妈66岁.  Will I tell her before she dies?

Love is a bracelet I put on, take off.

我不喜欢真相.



 

谁的运气最差?

Those never sure if hands and face are clean?
Those barred from funerals of dear ones gone?
Returning tourists caged in quarantine?

Those with no toilet paper in their john?
Bored athletes, teams, and fans deprived of play?
Those who must order food from Amazon?

Poor, low-wage workers now without their pay?
英勇的护士? 远离电网的隐士?
Scared, battered wives who cannot run away?

Sick parents with eleven homebound kids?
Courageous first responders sensing dread?
Neglected homeless, hopeless, on the skids?

You think your lot is worst? 然后躺在床上.
But those whose lots are really worst are dead.

How to Save Someone’s Life

            ——给布莱恩·兰金

 

首先，检查眼睛
因为创伤的存在.

寻找其他迹象
过去是一个打击

受害者无法忍受
独自一人.  检查脉搏

难以控制的悲伤.
你会发现它很脆弱

但可能是开放的
干预.

你会找到肩膀的
hunched over; gently

使它们平方化
随着未来.

忍住冲动
to turn away; instead,

第一反应的
灾难自己.

选择止血带
在伤口的形状上.

插几句话
善意和关怀

如果对方畏缩.
触摸前臂

看看你能不能
走得更远.

你会遇见
电阻.

疼痛像瀑布一样
暴风雨中的雨.

你需要耐心
为了溺水者.


 

 

 

Press Your Ear Against the Heart and Listen

I am made of the rocky freezing waters of Blue Hill, Maine. 许多黑苍蝇. Of summer nights before I knew peepers were just frogs. Of growing up on Registered Fire Road #1 in rural Maine, of trying to explain where I’m from, of telling you that’s not where you went on vacation, 也没有, 它不在那附近, 要么. I’m made of getting tired of this, so sometimes lying about it. I’m made of riding horses downtown, and of running toward the small wooden bridge behind our house, because my dad had an anger problem. 很多人都有. This is about how what I heard became why I learned to listen. This is about how through listening, I became a writer, and how writing helped me imagine my way out.

I’m made of lots of tiny spaces, of which I made regular intimate acquaintance, often with an armful of books. The tiny spaces are where I grew. After hours reading, I’d lay back and repeat softly to myself, “This is it. 这就是全部.” until I fell back into a trance. 我的皮肤嗡嗡作响. 全世界都感到宽宏大量.

I felt my ideas reverberate into the excited twitching of my legs. Listening to their soft rustle, I thought, with unspeakable elation and utter belief,  “I exist”. The silence was no longer quiet. 我在听.